This is the new Mr. and Mrs. Lance and Tracy Clontz!

The wedding was a blast! We are very happy to have Tracy in the family. I posted this picture so that you can see the new couple!

Also, the toast got a great response, so I thought I would post it here so you could read it if you'd like. (You'll need the picture to understand it.)

(clicking glasses with silverware)

OK, now everyone!

(everyone clicking, very loud)

OK, now stop!

(quiet)

OK, go again!

(clicking again)

OK, now just the girls! OK, now the men! Very masculine!

I'm Dale, Lance's younger brother. I wanted to talk to you a little about Lance and Tracy. See, I've been tussling with this toast a little. My wife and Tracy both told me to be nice, but I want to be honest. So I had to search my soul long and hard to make a decision:

I'm going to be honest.

There are actually three people in this relationship. You are all here as a wedding party to witness this occasion, but also to hold them accountable to their vows and their commitment. So you NEED to know this.

There’s Tracy. There’s Lance. And then there’s that freakin Pharaoh-looking goatee on Lance’s face.

The first time I saw it I thought I was Moses! (singing) “Let my people go!”

Or, even better (to the tune of Louie, Louie): “Pharaoh, Pharaoh, whoa whoa, let my people go.”

And with that white stripe down the middle? He looks like Pepe Le Pew!

(in a French accent): Ohhh, mon cheri! I will take you to the cazbar and we will make beautiful music together! (kissing noises)

Then Tracy runs away and Lance says, “Where are you, my little fruit pop!?!”
I’m not kidding. He looks like King Tut.

(Waiting for laughter to die down)

Do me a favor – think off all the things that are important to you. Make a mental list. Now I’m sure that everything in the top two or three has something to do with a relationship – with God, with friends, with family. That’s because on every list in every culture everywhere in the world, it’s always the same.

Our relationships are the important things to us. We scurry around and dig ditches and work hard and sometimes we lose sight of that – I know I do. But we are here to pay honor and respect to Lance and Tracy’s new relationship. I wasn’t kidding when I said that you are here as witnesses, and that means you hold them accountable to their vows and their commitment. That’s true for all of us.

So let’s raise our glasses for luck and love to:

Lance, Tracy .. and Pepe.

Here here!


Anyway, the food was great, the company was great and the whole thing went off very well.

Nice to be home .. it’s hard work going to a wedding!